After the shock of enduring Jason's unexpected death, I was not sure where my life was supposed to go or what I was supposed to do from that moment on. I vividly remember sitting at his grave after the lovely service and Mike giving me a message that I never wanted to end. It may have been the 5th of January, but listening to the comforting words that were told to me, I was willing to deal with the crisp cold air. As each word was said to me, I felt the most comforting warmth from within. I remember the one thing that was told to me "Jason wants you to be happy and by that he means you do whatever you need to do whether that be staying in Roy, moving, never marrying again, marrying again. He wants you to do whatever you need to do to be happy." I remember listening to the nearly 45 minute conversation and having tears streaming down my face. I was sad for the loss, but also comforted for the revelations I was getting that I so much needed.
In December 2011, I left Utah to start a new life with my current husband. We made the three day drive across the country and I can honestly, I am happy. I never thought that that would ever be possible, but I can truly say I am happier than I have ever been in a very long time. Not a whole lot has happened as I am now a stay-at-home mom and love it. I do admit that I do get bored, but I am also finding time in doing the stacks of projects that seemed to pile up.
In April, I went back to UT and was able to visit family and friends. It was a short visit, but we made every moment we were there count. It was Megan and Morgan's first time flying and they seemed to do ok. Richard and I had the opportunity to go listen the Tabernacle Choir's Concert called "Easter Reflections." It was absolutely wonderful and I could really feel the spirit there. Before the concert, we also walked around Salt Lake City and visited the Capitol Rotunda, LDS Conference Center and Temple Square. We were able to get some really nice pictures of the temple from both the capitol and the conference center. A few days before we left for Utah, I was able to get my temple recommend, so walking around on Temple Square had me in a very different mind frame than I have had in previous times I have been there.
Fast forward to today. Today is Jason's birthday. I didn't really want to think about it much, but as I sat in Relief Society, they were talking about temple work and how we are able to do the work for those that have passed on. I already know that I will be having Jason's temple work done for him. I will be doing my endowments in a few weeks and I am really excited to have achieved this goal I have had for such a long time. I figure the best gift I could possibly give Jason is getting his temple work done for him and giving him the gift of happiness. I know he wants it done as I have had him appear in my dreams asking me to please "get it done NOW." Some might say I am selfish, but I wanted to wait until I was able to be there while his work is getting done. I plan to get his work done very soon now that I am able to attend also.
After the lesson, I could feel the spirit very strongly and the closing hymn was "O My Father." We got to the second verse and I had to leave the room otherwise I would have burst into tears. You see, at his funeral, we had the most beautiful musical selection where "O My Father" was played as a duet on both the violin and piano. I still cannot hear that song without thinking back to the day of the funeral.
Yes, I know, I have moved on in my life, but Jason will always be loved by me as he is the father to Megan and Morgan. I am doing all I can to keep his memory alive so that his daughters can remember him. I also am thankful for Richard for all he has done for me and the girls and how he is truly making me a better person and also giving me the gift of this happiness. He has taught me more that I could ever teach him. And because of him, I am what Jason wanted me to be: Happy.
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