How do I possibly put all my thoughts into words for others to understand how I feel? I suppose there really isn't a perfect way of doing that being no one is really perfect right? Perhaps sharing a typical day of what my life has now become will help those that just don't get it and those that choose to make the hurtful comments about how I am raising my children and how I am doing this, that or the other wrong will understand a bit more before passing judgment on me.
I get on average 2-3 hours of consistent sleep. I am lucky to get more than that UNLESS it is the weekend or I do not have to get kids from school, go to work or go to all the counseling, dr appts, school plays, award celebrations or other extra curricular activities I support. So, if you happen to catch me on a day that I have had little sleep (which seems to be the norm lately) I may just bite your head off if you solicit unwanted comments or advice.
I work full time graveyard shift in addition of being both the mommy and the daddy. I help the kids with homework, do the laundry, cooking (even if we do go out or get take out). I mean who really cares as long as my children are getting fed something besides cold cereal? There are times I just want to lay in bed and cry and do nothing but try and grieve the loss I have encountered, but I know that is not possible being I have young children in which they are not totally independent yet, and I have to still be here for them.
I get very little adult interaction (without children) so when I do get that, I want to talk your ears off. Sometimes it would be nice to be able to just talk to someone without the many interruptions kids give so I can tell you how I am doing, how I am not doing, how I could use help, or anything else that is on my mind at the time.
By the middle of the week, when I have had little sleep and have run from here to there and everywhere in between (heck I fill up the car every 3-4 days depending on how much running I have to do) I am too tired to care about much anything else. I just want to get some much needed relaxation rather than be judged about how I am doing everything wrong and what I could be doing better.
At this point, I am lucky just to be able to get through the day sometime. The last thing I want to hear is about what I should be doing or what I shouldn't be doing or how I can improve. Right now, I may not be making the best decisions, but it works for me right now as I am in what us widdas call "survival mode." I am only doing the bare minimum to survive right now. I don't really have the care to do much more than that. So please....
Don't coach until you have played this game.
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